The Next Adventure (and Getting Over the Last One)

So I've been unemployed for nearly six months now after a very unhappy year working at a prestigious university here in New York (yes, I've been in New York now for a year and a half). The experience left me very bitter. It was the first job that I ever had that I didn't succeed in. I've always taken my career very seriously (contrary to how seriously I take myself!), so it's been very difficult to deal with.

I struggle with discussing the experience with potential employers. I don't want to come off as bitter and angry (even though I am), but I have to defend myself. Having been successful in a similar role in D.C., it was a shock to me to not have been successful in NYC. As such, I place most of the blame for the poor match on the employer. I know there are probably some things that I could have done differently, but by and large I think I was put in a position where the path for success was very narrow. I felt micromanaged. I strongly believe that there were many artificial barriers to success that could have been removed. We had very unstable leadership: in less than two years, the team had six difference leadership changes and five different bosses. Change is inevitable in any job, but that points to poor management at the top of the organization. The senior associate dean, while an amazing fundraiser, was a terrible leader. It was her way or no way. Suggestions for improvement were not solicited nor were they welcomed. Among the five people in my role on the team, the most senior person has been there for 1.5 years as of today. The two more senior people on the team have moved on (not including me) after three years. You either produce quickly with their playbook, or you are shown the door.

I cannot wait to get health insurance again, as I really need to be seeing a therapist to work through a number of things. However, I have to get a job first! And I'm afraid that this bitterness could be keeping me from getting a job. Well probably not: I'm not nearly as angry in interviews as I am on here likely. However, this job was my last job, and I know future employers are suspect regarding the circumstances around my departure. I always say that it wasn't a good professional fit and we had a mutually agreed upon, amicable departure. Which is the truth, but then I struggle with what to say and how much to say when asked the inevitable follow up question "what do you mean by that?" I could say A LOT more, but I still haven't mastered exactly how much to say to satisfy the interviewer. I don't want to go on a diatribe of course (no future employer wants to hear you trash your old employer), but how do I defend myself? I don't think I'll ever master it. I know that a lot of this will fade once I get my next job, but it's hard for me to suppress this and deal with it when I have to rehash and talk about it OVER and OVER and OVER. I have two interviews this week, so wish me luck!

I fly home to S.C. for the holidays tomorrow for six nights. It will be nice to be home, particularly so I can sleep without all the horn honking and screaming drunks and hobos (I live near the intersection of two VERY busy Manhattan thoroughfares). Happy Holidays!